How Jimmy Buffett Fixed My Elliptical

I’ve done this before, the whole weight loss thing. About 10 years ago I noticed the pounds creeping on. We went into Sears for something. I don’t really remember what, but I was stopped dead in my tracks by this wonderful machine. I’m pretty sure a heavenly light was shinning on it and trumpets played softly, while angels sang when I turned the corner. We brought it home because I just knew it was the answer to all my prayers. A few years later I wrote this poem for a writing class. The teacher didn’t normally encourage rhyming poems, but I got an A on this. He said it was fun. Think I’ll keep it posted somewhere because once again, Reverend Jim is coming to my rescue.

How Jimmy Buffett Fixed My Elliptical

Forty pounds of excess weight,

no time to exercise.

This can’t go on, this has to stop,

it’s unhealthy and unwise.

A stroll through Sears, it caught my eye,

that magical machine.

I’ll take it home and work it off.

I know I can be lean.

I tried it out, right in the store

Its easy and its fun.

I love this thing; it’s really great.

I have to get me one!

I brought it home to my garage,

and used it the next morning.

Ten minutes in, I gasp for air,

this thing came without a warning.

I had a plan, I knew would work,

each day one minute more.

But not today, I just can’t.

My muscles are too sore.

A month went by and then was six.

What happened to my weight?

Instead of losing forty pounds,

I gained thirty eight.

This thing doesn’t work; I’m really mad.

I want my money back.

If I don’t lose almost 80 pounds,

I’ll have a heart attack.

A fellow Parrothead I know,

offered really great advise,

“The Jolly Mon can help” he said,

“and maybe a Cheeseburger in Paradise.”

Of Course! You’re right!

Jimmy Buffett and his guitar,

Delaney Talks to Statues,

And God Don’t Own a Car.

Now at 6:15 when that buzzer sounds,

I jump right out of bed.

Can’t wait to start my exercise.

Watch out, here comes a Parrothead!

I’m hot, I’m sweaty, I can’t go on,

I’m running out of will.

Wait, what song is next?

Can’t stop now, it’s Margaritaville!

Down fifty pounds, just thirty left,

I knew this was no whim.

It took your songs to make it work,

Thank you Reverend Jim.

Friday – 20 min. 1 mile elliptical

• Breakfast – 1 orange, a hard boiled egg and 1 cup of coffee. (Kerrie keeps telling my I should cut out the coffee because it’s bad for you, but I’ve heard a bunch of studies that say 1 cup is good for you. Any thoughts?)
• Lunch – Brown rice, black beans and sundried tomatoes & a banana.
• PM Snack – hand full of nuts.
• Dinner – cheese and spinach ravioli and a mixed green and veggie salad.